I came across this article while cleaning out an older website that I own, and read what I had written….the notes I made and what I wrote are still very true today! I wanted to share it with all my readers here on HY Magazine.
Written November 25, 2007
My 92 year old grandmother is very ill, she had a stroke two weeks ago and is still in the hospital. She now has a feeding tube in her, they tried to put a feeding tube in her nose but it wasnвЂ™t staying because they broke a membrane when they tried to put it in. Then they tried to do one in her stomach, but she has a hernia so they were unable to put that type of feeding tube in. Now they have one that is intravenous, meaning she is being fed nutrients through her blood.
My grandmother has been my support, and my strength every since I was very young. I remember going to her house every weekend and during the summer practically living there all summer.
She used to play fast food restaraunt with us, in her kitchen she had a window that was low enough for us to pull up on our bikes and order special items she had gone to the store to buy just for us. She would make up a hand written menu with prices, she would give us play money for helping her around the house or yard, and we would then use that money to вЂњpurchaseвЂќ items from the restaurant.
Buschia (grandma in Polish) has always been there for me, when times were rough and we needed food she would call me up and take me to the store and let me purchase anything we needed. If she
heard we needed money for clothes for the kids when they were babies she would tell me to come over and take her shopping because she wanted to go shopping only to spend all her money on my boys on clothes, food and toys for the boys.
When I was so depressed and stressed and didnвЂ™t feel I had anyone to go to, she was there. Now its my turn and its so hard to sit by her bedside each day and watch as she starts to talk like she is home again. To watch the once strong, and very proud polish woman look so frail and weak and to see her slowly each day getting weaker and weaker.
My boys gave her a polar bear stuffed animal and she loves it! She held on to it so tight last week when they went to take her to an MRI that the techs let her keep it with her. She makes anyone who comes into the room add their presents to the bearвЂ™s collar for instance: a prayer angel and her prayer cloth are pinned to the bear. She has to have the bear facing out of her window so вЂњIt can look out on the world since she cannotвЂќ. It breaks my heart each day as I go see her.
How do you face each day seeing someone who once was so strong, and is now so weak? How can you not fall apart, when you see each day her vitals getting weaker and weaker. She has led a hard life, but through it all she always gave! Even when she had just as little as the rest of us she still gave and gave and gave. Many times she was taken advantage of and she knew it, but still she gave.
When I would look at the world through eyes of despair and hopelessness, she was there to tell me to laugh and to look at the trees, to appreciate what I had because others had so much less then I didвЂ¦when she thought others were hurting me she would come out yelling, screaming, and support me by letting me vent and cry and get it all out. Buschia is the only one I could go to for many years to bear my soul and let it all hang out and let my fears run and talk and talk.
She tried to teach me to sew, but I have no patience with needlepoint or crochetвЂ¦so I was a lost cause thereвЂ¦but still she kept trying. We would play cards, we would bake, we would sit for hours in her living room just reading our booksвЂ¦.
Still through everything she is going through now, even though her mind is slipping and she is thinking she is home or in her younger yearsвЂ¦there are still times she is lucid and what does she doвЂ¦she looks at you, tells you that you need to go home and rest and take care of yourself and not worry about her.
I have to say that because of my Buschia, I am very much who I am because of her. For so many years I would thinkвЂ¦вЂќBuschia took care of 6 kids when her husband left her, she worked 3 jobs a week, barely slept to keep food on the tableвЂ¦she always found a way to deal with everyday life and make everyoneвЂ™s life so much better even during the times that she and her kids had nothingвЂ¦.I can do the same thing.вЂќ
To my Buschia, you have always been and always will be my strength, my love, my faithful Buschia who no matter what life through at you or me YOU were always there for me even if all I could do was pick up the phone and call you.
I LOVE YOU BUSCHIA!
I will always carry with me the life lessons you so willingly gave out, I will always carry with me the strength that you gave out, you give and give and giveвЂ¦
I donвЂ™t want to lose you hun, but each day as I see you get weaker and weaker I know that God has a plan or youвЂ¦I thank GOD each day for each hour he has granted me to have with you. You have always been my earthly guardian angelвЂ¦.
-Your loving and devoted granddaughter
(Updated 06-19-13 My precious Buschia passed away in December of 2007. Everyday I miss her more and more, she was my strength, she was the one I ran to….she was the one who would tell me no matter what others say or do to me I was the one in charge of my feelings, and bully to those nasty people….keep my chin up and smile….)